Insane Ramblings from an Insomniac

Originally posted November 13, 2005 2:52am



Insane Ramblings from an Insomniac


This is crazy. I can’t seem to sleep yet I am not thinking of anything important. There are just nights in which I am unable to sleep a wink; nights which then stretch into the dark hours of dawn and finally till I see the faint morning light of 5:30 filtering through my window. My bed is near the second window, close to the door opening to the terrace. I know the temper of the night by heart, the way it changes its mood the moment my watch strikes 12 midnight. I can feel the changes of the breeze from my bed near the door. Instead of tempting me to rest my scattered thoughts on the shores of sleep, the sensations only heighten my wakefulness. I really should consider getting some decent sleeping pill. Sometimes, the restlessness of the mind can be unbearable.
Music sometimes help, but not when I desperately need it most. I listen to it whenever I want to be lulled to sleep, away from the troubled sleeplessness that mostly characterize my nights. But the more I listen, the more I seem to hang on to every melody, the more deeply I feel it just because my mind has no other thing to focus on. The music sometimes reduces me to a state of semi-catatonia; I get caught easily with its moodiness. The more my mind wanders, though I know not where.
It's weird. Sometimes my itinerant thoughts come to a dead end. I know not where they go, but when I reach that end, I even surprise myself. Dead ends are like humans, equipped with their own identities. Each wandering step and turn had always led me to something different. Dead ends are like clouds, constantly taunting me with their fleeting forms. One moment, I see them solidly ahead of me and the next they disappear from my sight. I try hard to grasp them but they vanish just as quickly. Thus, my thoughts, noble or ungodly as they may be, disappear and are forgotten quickly whenever sleep finally overtakes me.